How to Talk to Yourself Successfully

I talk to myself quite often — in fact, almost continually I am telling myself something or other.

Nowadays, because of my connection to psychology, I also notice that I am doing it.

Sometimes those conversations are one part of me chiding the other:

“What did you do that for, you idiot!”

A sort of unhelpful voice.

But then that same voice also says:

“Watch out, this could be dangerous… slow down…”

And with this chiding voice, I often seek to calm it down with my calm voice:

“Ok, that wasn’t the best decision I ever made — let’s see what, if anything, can be done about it, and then let’s move on…”

The voices, I have come to learn, relate to different parts of my brain — the part that is ancient and was developed before any of us reading this were ever born. It is an innate and instinctively operated part of our brain, the part that Prof Steve Peters, in his work, refers to as our “Chimp.” The chimp stops us stepping out into traffic without looking. It also makes us cautious whilst walking into a dark cave (which may have sabre-toothed tigers hiding within).

Trouble also comes along with the chimp. For example — when we perceive that the car overtaking us is a threat, something to be raced against… and down goes the foot! The chimp is with us to stay. It is strong (too strong to fight), impulsive, and needs managing. As Prof Peters tells us — you would not have a dog and not expect to take some responsibility for it…

Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman also tells us a lot about the brain and the confusion caused by using inappropriate parts of it for making certain decisions.

He refers to this as System 1 and System 2 thinking.

• System 1: without control, impulsive, and automatic.

• System 2: logical, rational, and thoughtful.

Naturally, we do not want every thought to involve logic and rationale — it would be exhausting. We do automatic thinking to save labour and keep us sane. Clearly, though, there are times when we should use logic and our ability to be rational, careful thinkers.

System 1 makes most of the decisions you take every day:

“Turn left… indicate… duck… stop… start…”

It works fast and does not need logic — it just does it. Unfortunately, as with the chimp analogy, we sometimes make decisions with System 1 that would be better made by System 2. An often-used example from Kahneman’s work is recruitment. If the person who walks through the door for interview talks, dresses, or in some other definable way looks like you (age, gender, and so on), System 1 says:

“This person is good — I like them…”

And you can imagine the response from System 1 if the person does not look, act, or speak at all like you! Recruitment decisions are best carried out by our System 2 thinking, for sure — but evidence very clearly suggests that they often, and almost certainly, are not. Kahneman’s work is excellent because it changes the way — or should change the way — we think about thinking, and especially our decision-making.

What Should I Do?

There is a problem with practically applying this. My System 1 influences my System 2 strongly, and turns what should be logical, careful considerations into ongoing biases. And we are very biased. The most consistent bias that we have?It’s the bias that we think we are not biased.

The best, perhaps, I can do is to monitor decisions (sometimes after the fact) and use System 2 to try and understand what was going on — and perhaps alter the pattern.

For example:

Not constantly automatically hiring small bald white guys…

References:

• Kahneman, D. (2017). Thinking, Fast and Slow.

• Peters, S. (2013). The Chimp Paradox.