"I Am Going to Be Kinder to Myself"

Let’s be honest—this phrase has become a bit of a cliché, right? We see it everywhere, often paired with pretty pictures and motivational quotes like: "You’ll spend more time talking to yourself than to anyone else, so make sure you’re kind." 

Still, it’s repeated for a reason: many of us aren’t very kind to ourselves. In fact, we’re often harsher on ourselves than we’d ever be to a friend.

Imagine I came to you, struggling and full of self-doubt. You’d probably try to lift me up:“You’re doing great with A, B, and C. I’ve always admired how you handle XYZ…”

That’s compassion. We’re taught to be kind to others—by parents, teachers, mentors.

But no one really teaches us to be kind to ourselves.

Instead, many of us develop a pretty toxic self-talk habit. And because we’re always thinking (aka talking to ourselves), this negative narrative loops in the background all day.

When Was the Last Time You Beat Yourself Up?

You might’ve said something like:

"Ugh, why did you do that, you idiot?"

Sound familiar?

We tend to zoom in on what’s wrong with us. And there’s an evolutionary reason: humans are wired to detect danger—whether that’s a hissing noise in a cave or a mistake in our work. On the savannah, negativity helped us survive.

But now? In our modern world, that same negativity bias tells us:

You’re not smart enough. Not attractive enough. Not enough, period.

What’s the Fix? Build a Positivity Bias.

Let’s face it—we’re already experts at spotting flaws. So instead of focusing on that, let’s strengthen our ability to notice what’s right.

Take this example:

4 + 4 = 8

3 + 5 = 8

3 + 6 = 8

5 + 5 = 10

What’s your first thought?

Probably: “That last one is wrong!”

Not: “Hey, 75% is correct—nice job!” 

That’s the negativity bias at work.

But imagine what would happen if we balanced that with a habit of celebrating what is working. That’s where good quality self-talk comes in.

What Does Good Self-Talk Sound Like?

When we’re emotionally overwhelmed, we often say things we regret. But afterward, when calm returns, we can see things more clearly.

The calm version of us might say:

“You were upset. Your emotions took over. It happens.”

Instead of:

“You’re such a screw-up. You always do this!”

That gentle voice? That’s your inner adult. Psychologists have names for these inner parts—Eric Berne described them as the Adult, Parent, and Child. And in Steve Peters’ model, they’re the Human and the Chimp.

Your Chimp reacts fast, driven by emotion and fear. Your Human? Calm, logical, reflective.

Both are part of you. You can’t silence the Chimp, but you can choose not to let it drive the car.

2 Strategies to Be Kinder to Yourself

1. Cultivate Kinder Self-Talk

Start noticing what you say to yourself. Is it supportive? Or does it sound like your harshest critic?

Try this: whenever you mess up, speak to yourself like you would to a friend or a child you love.

Say things like:"You tried your best. Mistakes happen. It’s okay."

You’d be surprised how powerful that shift can be.

2. Find the Good Luck Around You

Every day for the next week, write down five bits of “good luck.”

Yes, even the small stuff counts:

• A perfect parking spot

• A kind word from a stranger

• Your coffee being extra good

• Finding coins on the sidewalk

• Finishing a task you’d been avoiding

I once ran a little experiment with this. The results? People felt significantly better after just one week of doing this daily.

It trains your brain to spot what’s right, balancing that inner negativity radar we all have.

So go ahead—be kinder to yourself.

Not because it’s a cute quote on Instagram, but because you deserve it.

And your mental health? It’ll thank you for it.

Have you tried either of these strategies before?

Let me know how it goes—and maybe share your 5 lucky things today!