"I Want to Be a Winner"

You would like that, wouldn’t you? To win every time you go out to do something.To win at your job, at your sport, at chess, at life! Winning is a corollary to achieving, and achieving is related to a sense of purpose and our feelings around what we are here to do. Purpose is, of course, essential to humans — without purpose we drift or are filled with existential angst, and that’s not good. So, purpose is good — your purpose could be having a beautiful allotment garden and keeping it beautiful, or your purpose could be building model replicas of famous buildings out of matchsticks, or else being the CEO of the world’s largest company. But whatever it is, and whatever age you are, we need meaning.

Meaning, in turn, is best attached to our values. When I ask people (and myself) “What are your values?” the question is often met with a blank look — or else people reveal their goals: “to get rich”. But of course, getting rich is not a value. "Why do you want to be rich?" is a better question, because this reveals more: “I want security and not to worry, to have nice things, to attract people.”

These, with a little probing, often show underlying values:

• to feel secure

• to feel loved

• to be attractive

The angst and the strain of focusing on getting rich may not actually be necessary (or effective, for that matter) to meet these values. So maybe focusing on security in a relationship with someone who you love and loves you in return is the real focus.

Other goals are around achieving status — to win (cups, medals, titles). A difficulty here is, of course, that there is always an element of this that is out of your control. For example: you train for 15 years, giving every ounce of your concentration to making it to the Olympics… and trip, slip, get ill, or injured on the one day in your life that this all led up to. So my point is that goals should be understood in more complexity than simply stating: “to win an Olympic gold medal.”

This is a clear goal but may need contingency planning.

Say for instance 800 metre running is my thing; I can control: "Trying to be the best 800 metre runner I can possibly be." I can even start that process today by eating a healthy breakfast which supports my energy needs and recovery. I can start success today by following a thorough warm-up and completing a training session. If I have some genetic talent, good input from coaches, determination, luck, and single-minded persistence, I might make it to the Olympics. If I have all of that and it comes together on the one day that I get my chance — I might even win the gold.

But my concentration needs to be on what I can control:

• training? ✅

• nutrition? ✅

• good coach? ✅

Following this, I can compete with this philosophy:

"I have done all the training, preparation, nutrition, sleeping, stretching, and recovering I could do. I have prepared as thoroughly as I was able. I aim to win and will do the absolute best that I can — and it is this that defines me, not simply winning, but being the best I can be."

This is a real win because being the best you can be is achievable, attainable. You can check whether you did or did not do the best you could.If not — why not? And what needs to happen next? Taking home the gold, however, is not controlled by only these factors — but lots of others: home crowd, competitors’ genetics, good luck, bad luck, etc., etc.

When we take this example to the more modest goals many of us have — losing a few kilos and keeping it off, saving some money, changing careers — the same deal applies.

We can start winning (attaining the long-term goal) today:

• with breakfast

• walking to work

• beginning an online job search

We can certainly focus on doing the best we can — but at the same time, why not enjoy the process? Revel in the fact that you did that walk, ate that breakfast. There may be slips when you overspend or eat too much — but it is okay to forgive yourself, get up, and start again.